The restaurant staff wanted to make a party so they ordered a custom piñata from a lady in the nearby village. It was so cool to look at once it had been busted up… there were rolled up pages of homework in the “shell” of the piñata! Nothing goes to waste!

The cooks made the most delicious banana cake and nacho platters to share around… we had workers, and neighbours join us too. One other, uninvited member of the party named Jose, a little guy who we didn’t know, hung around all day and invited himself to the party. Once the candy started falling from the piñata he shamelessly took most of it, while our little kids looked on from the sidelines wondering what was going on – sort of “deer in headlights”.

It was an interesting moment, one I wasn’t entirely sure how to navigate, because, if truth be told, I didn’t really want the kids to eat much candy, and yet there’s a natural sense of justice that is important too. Anyway, it was an interesting moment, and we all recovered from it, though Jose did take very, very full pockets of candy home after eating lots of cake… he won in the end due to my inability to speak his language!

Later, however, I talked with the children about the poverty this little boy is growing up in, and how this would have seemed like a meaningful windfall in his small world. We are learning to flex and share and respect in all sorts of nuanced ways, even as we attempt to discern important boundaries and appropriate interpersonal limits, etc. (For example, we decided that next time we have a piñata, we will do it close to our home on the private side of the property, not in the public restaurant side!)

The party was a very joyful time.

There is nothing you want to buy here and I am determined to accumulate as little as possible, so we told Cotton that the whole family would be giving her coupons that she could use over the next few weeks. She was thrilled… she got “gifts” such as a private walk on the beach to collect shells and make crafts with them (Sunny), a free surfing lesson (Ben – interesting, as he himself does not yet know how to surf), an art lesson (Tucker), 5 card games (Auden), a back massage (Mommy)…

…she said it was her best birthday ever (even with no gifts and a little guy who stole most of her candy!

This precious girl, who was SO afraid to go on another plane, but was so brave anyway, is so happy to be here. She felt cherished and celebrated by new friends and thought it was the best day. Her tender spirit, acute observations, clever wit, and understated presence are such a gift in our family.

I am so thankful for the gracious way she eased into a new kind of non-commercial birthday routine. This moment also created a new set point of birthday expectations for the other children, and I commend her willingness to be flexible and open at a time when so much is new.

It was a great, great day!

“Seven years ago, Frinty, Mugber and I landed here by the Eastern edge of the Southern tip of the black sea. We thought we were going to land on the moon, but as soon as we stepped from the spacewaffle door, it was evident that we hadn’t. I must admit, I was enchanted with the strange scenery, so new to me and wonderful in its newness. I had bent down to touch the water, blacker than coal and colder than ice. I had hesitated for a moment, then dipped my finger into the water.

“A strange sensation flooded over me as I touched it, but before I could think anything of it, I was being carried away by many unfamiliar hands. I was confused and startled, but after I yelled back to Mugber and Frinty, an odd, sleepy peacefulness came over me and I felt as though I were in a dream. What happened then is fuzzy in my memory, but I do remember waking up the next morning feeling rather sore and achy all over.

“I found myself lying on a couch with an unusual green fire cooling me from across the room. I lay there dazedly for a couple of minutes more, then the door opened and three pancakes entered. I felt a hint of misgiving as they came in, but in my confused state, I could not figure out why.

“The pancakes stood about as one of them reached down to touch my forehead.

“‘How is he doing?’ Came a sweet voice from one of the other pancakes.

“The pancake who had touched my forehead looked back at her. ‘His fever is gone.’ He said. I was befuddled.

“‘What fever?’ I asked. The pancake straightened and looked me in the eye,

“‘You,’ he said, ‘have been poisoned.’

“‘What!?’ I responded in shock. ‘How?’

“The pancake held up his hand, ‘Calm down. I was just about to explain.’ I nodded and he went on. ‘The Black Sea is home to a creature, a creature of magnificent size and proportion. Although this creature, known to us as “Fmawgy”, is strong and terrible, it is fully a coward and it lurks in the very deepest depths of the Black Sea. Yet even at those unreachable reaches, it fears something and so it fills the water with poison that it produces from the tip of its left pinky toe. It is this poison that fills the water, turning it as black as night, and as poison as something that is really poisonous. Oh, I forgot to say that the Fmawgy is also terrified of light, so the blackness comforts it.’

“By the end of this explanation, I was very confused, and I said so. ‘I thought I saw all the pancakes splashing through the water last night. How come they didn’t all die?’ The pancake nodded his head, acknowledging my correctness.

“‘That is true’ He said, ‘After a time, one may build up immunity to the poison if they are exposed to it every day in enormous amounts. But just a slight touch is enough to kill you if you’ve never experienced it before.’

“I was intrigued and asked how I could teach myself to be immune. ‘You must swim thrice daily in the black water, and drink seven cups of it every day as well.’ I determined to begin as soon as I was able.

“I conversed with the three pancakes for a while longer and learned much. I learned that one of my three visitors was with the royal guard, he was tall and muscular, and his name was Koombo. The one who had explained the lake to me was the royal healer, his name was Kifoeno. And the beautiful, kind one was a royal healer and garden maker, named Kisyoo. Something that’s interesting about the pancakes is that everyone has a special skill that they perform, but they are all called princes and princesses, no one is above or below another pancake. Their names also all start with K, I became known as Korman. I learned something of their ways and then Kifoeno told me to sleep. I slept for a long time – a couple of days – and then, feeling quite recovered, I went to see what I could do.

“The moment I stepped from the house, I was amazed. These pancakes were nothing like our waffle-world myths and legends portrayed them. They were creative, cultured, intelligent, and above all kind and friendly. They toured me around their village and taught me their ways. One pancake in particular, Koombo, became my best friend. He taught me how to travel through the jungle noiselessly, how and where to harvest the juiciest fruits, how to make friends with the wild animals and, most importantly, how to find fresh, pure water.

“Koombo and I became very good friends and I spent a lot of time with him and his family. He had a lot of siblings and they made me feel like one of them. I went on many adventures with Koombo and his brothers and my other pancake friends, and over the years, I’ve learned much and had a great many interesting experiences. There are too many to tell just now, but I’ll tell you one of my favourites. This was just two years ago.

“Koombo and I were walking together in the forest, searching for the purple spikes that grow out of the ground. These spikes mean there’s fresh water underneath. Although we all drink the black water, fresh water tastes much nicer and we drink it on special occasions. The next day there was to be a special celebration, and the village had run out of fresh water, so we were looking for more. The celebration was a party that happens every year when all the courting pancake couples come forward and announce their engagement to the whole community. It’s a very exciting day and we always drink lots of fresh water to celebrate.

“As we walked, we talked about the upcoming party, we were both especially excited about this celebration day because Koombo’s sister Kisyoo and I were going to announce our engagement. You see, I had fallen in love with Kisyoo the very first time I heard her gentle voice, but I’d only worked up the courage to ask her to marry me six days before this great celebration! She said yes, because she had fallen in love with me too, and the whole family was incredibly excited about the announcement.

“So, Koombo and I were walking along, chatting about the next day. Koombo, having always been something of a mentor to me, was giving me advice and instruction for the celebration, even though he had never been engaged himself. Suddenly, both our eyes were drawn to a huge patch of massive purple spikes. We looked at each other Athen rushed forward, “Water!” We yelled in unison. We got to the spikes and were amazed at how big they were. You see, most of the time, the water spikes are no taller than your big toe, but these ones towered high over our heads.

“We pulled out our diggers (not exactly shovels, but similar) and started digging. We dug for hours, and when we still hadn’t reached water, we stopped to assess our situation. We looked upward at the long pit we’d dug, then looked at each other, bemused. ‘I was certain there’d be water down here.’ Koombo told me, ‘Lots of it. Actually, I was thinking that maybe since the spikes are so tall, their roots would be deeper, and the water further down, but we’ve been digging for hours and I see no water.’ I nodded and stomped the ground partially out of frustration and partially to see if any water would sprout up beneath us. The dirt floor underneath us fell away and we fell with it.

“I didn’t realize what had happened at first, but I soon concluded that we had been standing on a thin layer of dirt which had broken when I stomped. Dirt in this world is extremely unpredictable and temperamental.

“We fell for what felt like five minutes but was probably only five seconds before we landed hard on solid rock. Koombo and I stood up and dusted ourselves off, looking around for information about where we’d landed. It seemed to be a massive stone cave, the rock glowed slightly with a salmon hue, and above us gleamed the luminescent turquoise roots of the trees above. We stared up at the ceiling, marvelling at the intricately woven roots and the wonderful contrast of glowing pink and turquoise. As I stared up at the ceiling of this strange cave, I lost my balance slightly and took a step back to steady myself. My foot splashed into cool, deep water and the rest of my body quickly followed. There was a strong, swift current and it started pulling me speedily away. “Water!” I yelled at Koombo, splashing and laughing in delight, for this water was clear and pure, not a trace of poison. It flowed smooth and fast over the glowing pink river bed and small, yellow flowers that grow only in the purest water could be seen rushing along just under the surface in droves.

“Koombo whooped and jumped in after me. We floated blissfully down the underground river for a while and slowly started wondering more and more what we should do next. We looked at each other and shrugged, not knowing. We both wished to see where this water went, so we relaxed on our backs and continued floating.

“After a long time, we had almost fallen asleep, lulled by the serene flow of the water and the muted sounds of the water. Then both of us were fully wakened as we became aware of the sound of rushing water getting louder and louder. It could only be one thing: a giant waterfall. Koombo and I shouted and struggled to reach the riverbank, but it was all in vain. The sound became deafening and then… we were plunging down the waterfall into the unknown.” Norman, or Korman, as we will now call him, paused his story and smiled at his audience. Frinty and Mugber were sitting on the edge of their seats in agitated anticipation. “What happened next?” Exclaimed Mugber. Frinty chewed her fingernails, “Oh, I hope you both make it out alive!” She said this with the utmost sincerity and Norman and the pancakes laughed. Koombo said in his deep voice, “I think we’ll be alright.” Frinty looked at him for a second, then, realizing what she had said, joined in the laughter. “Well,” Said Korman, “Shall I finish my story?” “Yes please!” The two other waffles replied.

So Korman went on:

“Koombo and I splashed up through the surface and both took some huge breaths. After making sure we were both fully alive, we looked around us and were amazed by what we saw. We were floating in a huge underground lake in a massive glowing pink cave. In the centre of the lake was a big island. Koombo and I swam quickly towards this. Once we were up on land, we again feasted our eyes on the spectacle surrounding us. The smooth, rounded walls of the cave were striped with hundreds of channels of water flowing from other hidden water sources. They looked like water slides and Koombo and I promised each other that if we made it out alive, we would come back and slide down those slides.

“The island we stood on had many interesting and multi-coloured natural rock formations on it, and we noted to each other that it was big enough to hold the entire pancake community in our forest with plenty of room to spare. We both looked at each other knowingly and continued to search for an exit. We finally found one and were surprised to find that it led almost directly into the biggest village in the forest. It was actually quite large, but it was hidden behind rocks and trees in such a way as to be completely invisible to someone outside.

“Koombo and I went directly to the main square in the village, where the big celebration was about to start, we stood up on the stage and told everyone about the cave we’d found and our idea to hold the celebration in the cave. All the pancakes loved the idea and we had the most amazing engagement celebration day in all of pancake history, and Koombo and I were very honoured for finding the unlimited reserve of clear water.

“So, Kisyoo and I announced our engagement, a week later we married, then we had our four children, and here we are now!”

Everyone clapped and cheered. Frinty and Mugber were so happy and excited. They couldn’t wait to learn and see everything, but now it was very late and everyone said goodnight and went off to bed.

THE END. For now at least.

We decided to get there early, around 4:00 PM, to be in between the lunch and supper rushes. We started getting ready at around 3 and got there at around 5, getting there right before the supper crowd. So, the timing wasn’t exactly precise, but, if we pretend we were trying to get there at 6, then we were delightfully early. Or we could just say that we were “fashionably late”. Either way, we did get there eventually.

Upon our arrival, we quickly found out that Nova had forgotten her shoes. Oops. Dad took all of us kids into the restaurant (Nova got a piggyback) and Mom ran into a nearby store to purchase a lovely pair of minnie-mouse flip flops. Lovely might be a little sarcastic in this sentence, but Nova truly loves them, so from her point of view it’s quite true. Then Mom rejoined us.

During our time, nothing too unusual happened. Our waiter tripped over Truett, (who was busy waving at everyone in sight) but made a heroic recovery and no one was hurt! I spilled a full glass of root beer on myself, significantly soaking my pants, which, being Aladdin-style pants, actually hold a surprising amount of liquid! I just wanted to see if root beer is a good all-natural perfume, but I soon realized there are two rather consequential flaws with this idea. The first being the fact that root beer doesn’t really smell after being dumped all over clothing, the second being that root beer is quite far from being all natural, or even partially so. So, my idea really just fell apart there.

Anyway! After supper, all of us feeling quite full, a couple of us feeling quite sick and me in particular feeling quite wet, we climbed into the van and drove to the park! Unfortunately, it was beginning to rain, so we quickly drove away from the park. We decided to go the nearby library for a couple minutes before it closed. As we passed the park, we saw some unique-looking basketball nets, which so impressed us that we spent the next ten minutes singing a song about them. The lyrics were as follows: “You can slide down the back, you can slide down the back, you can slide down the back of the basketball net.” It just went over and over again, getting better and better until it could be no better. Then it got just a little bit better. I think it was sort of Country/Western mixed with Gospel Choir.

We got to the library where Mom and Dad ran in, got a library card, checked out a couple bagfulls of books and ran back out.

Then, the rain having passed, we drove back to the park. It was a really nice park, with lots of climby things, spinny things, slidey things, swingy things and some other things too! We had a lot of fun. After half an hour or so, we packed into the van and drove home. And that, my dear friends, is the glorious chronicle of the Golden Corral. I hope you enjoyed this article and fear not, there are more to come!

What are the chances of getting hit by lightning? Are they higher if you are riding a bike on the sidewalk in the middle of a Florida Thunderstorm?

It’s the rainy season here. Almost daily in the late afternoon, an incredible amount of rain falls from the sky amidst a powerful array of lightning bolts and corresponding thunderclaps. The rainclouds are often quite localized and rarely stay overhead for more than half an hour. In the time they are around they drop an immense amount of water. For good reason too!

It’s mid August and without the natural irrigation, I’m sure lots of local plants and creatures would fry because of the heat. I’m still trying to figure out the Celsius to Fahrenheit conversion, but what I do know is that it’s HOT! Because of the heat and humidity, this area is the perfect breeding grounds for big towering clouds, and hence, heavy thunderstorms.

Thank God for air conditioning and swimming pools, or I would doubtless fry as well. I’ve taken to going shirtless almost all the time, wearing my swim shorts so I can jump in the pool at a moments notice.

I enjoy going for solo ‘expeditions.’ Little outings on foot, rollerblades, unicycle, car, or whatever other form of transportation is available and best suits the mission. I treat myself to ice cream, go shopping, explore trails, or anything else that peaks my interest. The object of these expeditions is not always clear at the outset, but I always have some meaningful time spent with myself, along with all kinds of great entertainment.

The other day I rode about five miles of sidewalk on my unicycle to buy a couple items from the nearest shopping centre. The ride there was fairly uneventful, just the usual honks and waves due to my somewhat unique mode of transportation. I found what I wanted at the back of the store, grabbed a cool drink, and checked out.

As I left the store it was starting to rain and customers were gathering under the store awning to avoid getting wet. I assessed the situation and decided that waiting it out wasn’t worth my time. So I took off my shirt and socks and stuffed everything I wanted to stay dry into my waterproof fannypack, a very sound investment by the way.

I took a hefty swig of my bubbly juice drink, and ventured into the downpour. I pictured myself as somewhat of a superhero, being the only one daring enough to face the mighty storm. It took about four seconds for every inch of my to be completely soaked with rainwater, which confirmed that I was as much a victim of the storm as anyone. 

I used the beak of my baseball cap to shield my eyes from the pounding rain. Whenever I saw a flash of lighting I counted seconds. Every five seconds  between lightning and its following thunder equals one mile from the lighting. I was riding about one mile beside a major cell for a while. Then I rode right into one. There were several strikes so close I didn’t have time to start counting. The kind where you can see the distinct shape of the bolt even though it’s in the corner of your eye. And you instinctively yell something inaudible at the top of your lungs.

As I was riding through the pouring rain I began to ponder the question, how much of a chance do I have of being hit by lightning? I didn’t really have any way to figure out the actual answer so I conclude it wasn’t worth worrying about because if it happened I wouldn’t have time to be scared. It would just happen.

If you’ve never been caught in the rain, I highly recommend it. You can decide to make it a very unenjoyable experience, or make it so much fun you don’t want it to end. I had so much fun riding through the downpour, singing and screaming like a crazy man. Hopefully I made some motorists smile as they made their commutes.  It’s really quite an amazing thing to be surrounded by something so powerful and majestic. 

Over the months and years following the fateful mission, Norman Waffle became a hero and a legend. Only Mugber and Frinty remembered him as he was, a dear friend, alone and scared. They devoted themselves to their own research. Now, seven years later, Frinty and Mugber were about to embark on a new mission. 

Mugber stepped out of the waffle house just in time to see Frinty load the last box into the trunk of the wafflemobile.

“We all ready?” He asked. Frinty nodded. Today was the day they had been preparing for for years. 

To clear up some probable and problematic confusion, I shall tell you a bit of the research Mugber and Frinty had carried out. Firstly, they had searched the skies for the pancake planet Froblignor. They had built a powerful telescope, hoping to see once again those eery glowing green mountains, but they had seen nothing even close. Secondly, they had somehow come across the idea that the space company might be hiding something from them. And thirdly and finally, they had come to the conclusion that the land of fierce pancakes was somewhere on their planet. They came up with a general direction and started to drive that very day. 

Now, as every waffle knows, the land of Waffles is made up of distinctly waffleish terrain, with many ridges and deep squarish lakes and valleys. In fact, Frinty and Mugber had decided that they must actually be living on a giant, poorly-made waffle!

So anyway, Frinty and Mugber were off. They drove South along the ridges. They had packed everything a waffle needs for a long trip, mostly maple syrup. In fact, they had ninety-eight boxes filled with maple syrup in the back and only two other containers, which were filled with the following miscellaneous items: several deadly toothpicks, some clips and elastics for Frinty’s hair, Mugber’s tuba, thirteen pairs of socks for each, a picture frame that Mugber had inherited from his great aunt (there was not a picture, it was just the frame), a yoga mat, a pair of binoculars, a shoehorn, a megaphone, a kazoo and a piece of wood Frinty had stubbed her toe on when she walked out the door.

You may have noticed they were not very good packers, but really, maple syrup is the only essential for waffles, so the way they saw it was that if they had two more boxes to fill, they might as well just pack them as fast as possible.

Frinty and Mugber drove for days. Then, quite rapidly, the landscape started to change, becoming dry and desolate. The waffles were getting excited now – they knew they were close. Mugber was driving with Frinty interrogating him for twenty questions when the land stopped abruptly. 

Mugber slammed on the brakes. They got out and stepped gingerly toward the edge.

“What is it?” asked Frinty as Mugber looked down. Suddenly he gasped.

Frinty screamed, “Ah! Mugber! Are you okay?!”

He stepped back and nodded,

“Yes, of course.” He replied, “I just realized something we didn’t think of, and I have an idea.” Frinty peeked over the edge then hurried to Mugber, who was back at the wafflemobile.

“What did you realize, Uncle Mugber?” He looked her straight in the eye.

“Frinty, have you ever seen a spherical waffle?” Frinty shook her head, puzzled. Mugber continued. “We live on a giant waffle, correct?” Frinty nodded earnestly. “Then the world we live on-” Mugber paused.

“Yes?” Frinty said anxiously.

Mugber repeated himself, “The world we live on… must be flat.” Frinty’s eyes grew wide in realization,

“You’re right! It must be!”

Mugber nodded patiently, “There’s more. According to our calculations, the land of pancakes, commonly known as Froblignor, should be right here.”

Frinty nodded again. “Yes.” She agreed, “But it isn’t.”

Mugber shook his head and said calmly, “It is, Frinty. Think!”

Frinty thought. Frinty thought a lot. She thought about mushrooms, pillows, clouds, lampshades, curtain rods, tree bark, and much more. Mugber asked what she was thinking about. When she told him, he sighed and said,

“I meant think about how the pancake land is right here.”

“Oh!” Exclaimed Frinty. You see, although waffles can live for a very long time, it doesn’t mean they become smarter or even that much more mature. Frinty thought about the pancake world now but couldn’t come up with anything. “What do you mean, Uncle Mugber?” She asked. 

“Frinty, the pancake world is underneath us.” 

Realization dawned on Frinty’s face. 

“Oh!” She said excitedly. 

“Yes.” Said Mugber, “On one side of this waffle live the waffles, and on the other side live the pancakes. We just need to figure out how to get there.”

Frinty jumped up and down in excitement, “I know! I know!” She shouted jubilantly, “We can dig a hole to the other side!”

Mugber looked at her, his eyes aglow with pride, and whispered in admiration, “Brilliant.”

They quickly went to work. First, the waffles found a deep valley and drove to the bottom. Then they went through their supplies and got what they needed to dig the hole. Mugber attached the shoehorn to the piece of wood with some of Frinty’s hair elastics and started digging. 

Frinty, being good at tinkering and contraption contriving, put together a wonderful machine that did the digging in half the time. I can’t tell you how it was made or how it worked because that would take far too long. However, I can tell you that it was made of two toothpicks, one hairclip, one tuba, six and a half pairs of socks, one picture frame, one yoga mat, one megaphone and one kazoo. Soon they had a hole as deep as seven waffles are tall, and they had come out the other side. Frinty and Mugber disassembled the machine and packed everything except the socks back into the boxes. They took the socks and counted them. There were thirteen pairs for each waffle, making twenty-six pairs in total, therefore fifty-two socks in all. Frinty and Mugber then tied all the socks together to form a long, stretchy rope. Mugber and Frinty discussed who would go first. 

“Who will go first?” Asked Frinty. 

“You can if you want.” Replied Mugber. Thus it was they decided. 

Frinty tied one end of the sock rope around her waist, and Mugber held the other. Frinty slowly descended into the dark hole. After a couple minutes, she was on the other side and was surrounded by strangeness. She seemed to be in a forest of sorts, but the trees were unlike anything she’d ever seen. Their trunks were a shiny, metallic dark green and their leaves were not leaves at all. What grew on the trunks was a sort of foamy slime or slimy foam, which seemed to very slowly, over years or decades, drip off the trees and onto the grounds, planting more such trees. The slime-foam/foam-slime was slightly luminescent and grew in rusty red, outrageous orange, baby blue and tropical turquoise. Mugber’s voice drew Frinty from her speculation,

“Frinty? Are you okay?” She leaned back over the hole.

“Yes.” She shouted, ecstatic, “We were right!” Mugber yahooed.

“Frinty.” His voice came again, “I’m going to send the wafflemobile in now, okay?” Frinty called back her agreement and shortly after, the wafflemobile came lowering up out of the hole, tied securely to the sock rope. Frinty pulled it over onto the ground and then waited as Mugber lowered himself up as well. When he was finally up out of the hole, he looked around in amazement.

“We really were right! This is really it!” Frinty hugged her uncle in celebration, then began untying the socks.

“Wait, Frinty.” Said Mugber, cautiously, “We’ll want to be armed.” Mugber got two toothpicks for each of them and then stood guard as Frinty finished untying the socks and putting them in the wafflemobile. Then they hopped in and set off to explore. 

They drove through the forest for a long time, wondering at the weirdness of what they saw. Then the wafflemobile’s wheels got stuck in some slimy foam and they had to walk. They walked for a while and slowly started to wonder what they should do now. They didn’t know where to find the savage pancakes and even if they did, they didn’t actually want to fight them, let alone know how to! The purple sun was setting, so they decided to lie down and sleep for the night. They each lay down on some soft, foamy moss and fell fast asleep.

Sometime in the middle of the night, Mugber and Frinty were awakened by strong hands carrying them swiftly through the forest. They cried out in alarm: the pancakes had captured them! But someone whispered,

“Shhh, we won’t hurt you, but you must be quiet, or else Plong will hear us!” So Mugber and Frinty were quiet. By the light of the blue moon, they could see the forest rushing past. They saw large, round silhouettes all around them, it was the pancakes of Froblignor, but they didn’t seem very savage and fierce. Had the waffles been wrong all along? Suddenly they saw before them the dark shape of a building, with bright green light emanating from the windows. The pancakes carried Mugber and Frinty into the building and set them down on soft, foamy couches. 

Inside the building was a table surrounded by six chairs set with six places. Each plate was smartly stacked with blueberries and drenched in maple syrup. Other than the table and chairs, there were a couple more foam couches and a fireplace in the corner. The roaring fireplace roared with green fire. I should say here that the land of pancakes felt quite tropical, very hot and wet, so Mugber and Frinty wondered what use such a large fire would be. They soon realized, however, that this green fire let of coldness instead of hotness. The waffles were very impressed. 

Mugber and Frinty were left alone there for a couple minutes in which they looked at each other in wonder and confusion but didn’t say a word. 

All of a sudden the door flew open and 9 figures entered. First came three pancakes, then four pancakes of smallish proportion with the shape of a rounded square, then a full-sized pancake wearing a glowing silver crown followed by the familiar but oddly out-of-place shape of a full-grown waffle. Mugber and Frinty stood up and looked at the waffle in consternation. Where had this waffle come from? He wore a glowing golden crown on his head and walked with strength and dignity. The strange waffle helped the four small, squarish pancakes sit in their chairs and then turned toward Mugber and Frinty. The waffle looked at them with some interest, then recognition flashed on his face.

“Mugber! Frinty!” He cried joyfully. Mugber and Frinty were astonished. How did this strange, princely waffle know their names? The waffle saw their befuddlement and hastened to explain.

“It’s me, Norman!” Then Mugber and Frinty realized that it was him. They cried out in delight, ran forward and embraced him.

“What happened?” Frinty asked after they had gotten all their shock and surprise out. “I will tell you, but first I must introduce you to the others present.” The two waffles nodded their assent.

“This,” said Norman, laying his hand on the shoulder of a tall, muscular pancake, “Is my brother in law, Prince Koombo.” Prince Koombo nodded towards the waffles in greeting. Norman gestured to two pancakes standing side by side near the fire, “These are the twins, my brother and sister in law, Prince Keekee and Princess Koko.”

Then Norman moved to the table where the beautiful pancake with the silver crown sat, “This is my wife, Queen Kisyoo, and these,” He tenderly touched the heads of the four small squarish pancakes, “Are our children, Prince Kolo, Princess Kowi, Prince Keelo and Princess Kiwi.” Norman turned back to Mugber and Frinty and smiled wide. They looked at him with amazement and wonder.

“How-” Began Mugber, but Norman held up a hand. “So much has happened since we first landed here, it will take a long time, I would be a poor host if I told you my tale when you were not yet fed or rested. Tell us your tale while we eat, then you may rest while I tell you mine.” Mugber and Frinty nodded and Norman had another table with more settings carried in and they sat down to eat.

The two waffles explained their journey to the pancakes and Norman. How they had thought him dead, how he had become a legend in the waffle world, and how they had researched and discovered that the land of waffles and the land of pancakes were two sides of the same world. Norman nodded wisely. “We suspected as much.”

Then everyone seated themselves on the soft couches, Norman with his two little daughters snuggled in his lap, and Queen Kisyoo with the two little princes in hers. And Norman began to tell his story. 

Norman the Waffle pt. 4 coming soon!

The two other waffles, named Frinty and Mugber, were friendly and kind and helped him feel as relaxed as possible. Mugber explained the controls of the spacewaffle and told Norman the details of their mission. Frinty taught him some Astrowaffle songs and told him how excited she was about being the first real successful moon landing in all history! Listening to Frinty made Norman very excited. He liked Mugber: the old waffle was a little gruff but still very kind. Frinty, who was Mugber’s niece, was very friendly and talkative. They spent a long time chatting about everything. 

They were still talking (about their prefered thicknesses of maple syrup and prefered whippednesses of whipped cream) when they got a phone call on their spacewaffle’s built-in landline. Mugber picked up the phone. 

“Hello, Mugber Waffle the Astrowaffle here.” He said. A deep, strong voice answered from the other side. 

“Hey, Mugber. Norm here.”  Frinty and Mugber looked at each other, then to Norman, then to the phone.

“Norm,” Said Frinty, sadly. “You missed takeoff…” 

“I know.” Came Norm’s voice over the speaker. 

“I’m so sorry, Norm.” Continued Frinty, “There was a mix-up. They found another Norm, well, Norman. They thought he was you. I’m so sorry.” 

“Mmm.” Norm agreed in a mellow tone. 

“Well,” he went on, suddenly cheerful, “these things happen every day! No need to feel down.” Frinty and Mugber looked at each other again, confused. Mugber leaned towards the microphone, 

“You sound rather happy, Norm. I see you’re taking this well. But-” Mugber paused, then continued, “aren’t you at all disappointed?” Norm sighed loudly through the phone, “I have something to say.” Norman, Frinty and Mugber leaned forward in expectation. Norm went on,

“I… am afraid of heights.” Frinty and Mugber gasped. Norman looked at them confusedly. 

“It all makes sense now!” Exclaimed Frinty. 

“What does?” Asked Norm and Norman at the same time. Frinty went on, 

“Norm, you used to be so happy all the time, but in the days before the launch, you were so grumpy.” 

“Yes.” Norm agreed, “I was terrified. When the countdown started, I hid in the janitorial closet.” 

“Oh, Norm!” Cried Frinty, “That must’ve been awful!” 

“Yes.” Norm concurred, “It was. I still have a bruise on my toe where the mop fell on it.” Mugber nodded sagely. Frinty ducked her head, wiping a tear from her eye. 

“But let’s look on the bright side!” Norm said brightly. “I no longer have to face my fear of heights, and this Norman I hear about will now get to have the experience of a lifetime!” Everyone laughed and agreed. Shortly after, they finished up the phone call, everyone feeling happy and relieved. 

A couple of hours later, a warning light on the control panel came on saying: “You will be landing in 10 seconds”, and they did. It was all so fast and sudden that Norman didn’t have much time to think anything other than: “We’re landing in 10 seconds!” And they did!

Now that they were landed safely on the moon, Norman helped Frinty and Mugber prepare the moonwalking suits. They checked all the buttons and hooks and ties, then climbed into them and fastened all the aforementioned buttons, hooks and ties securely and soundly. They were ready to moonwalk. 

The bulky spacewaffle door rose slowly and Norman, Frinty and Mugber, side by side, stepped out onto the ramp that led to the moon. The sight they saw chased any romantic thoughts of moonwalking out of their minds. A weird and terrible landscape spread before them. One that never in their wildest dreams could they have imagined. 

Massive neon green mountains glowed ominously on the horizon. A dense forest hugged the lower sides of the mountains and stretched for miles around it. A river wound out of the vegetation and emptied into an immense lake. The water (if that’s what it was) was blacker than a thrice-burnt black bean and thicker than maple syrup on a rainy autumn evening.

The lake reached from the edge of the forest to the very ramp on which our three waffle friends were standing.

“This,” said Mugber, “Is not…” 

“The moon.” Frinty finished in disbelief. Norman looked back and forth at his two new friends. 

“What do you mean?” He asked, “Where are we?” Mugber shrugged. Frinty just stood there, staring at the strange and horrifying scenery. Frinty and Mugber then shook their heads in unison and turned to each other. 

“There must have been a mistake somewhere.” Said Frinty. 

“Something has gone terribly wrong.” Agreed Mugber. “We should go back into the spacewaffle until we get things figured out. We’ll be safe in there. We don’t know what kind of danger we could run into out here.” 

Mugber and Frinty turned and walked back through the door, motioning Norman to join them. But Norman was mesmerized by the black water silently lapping against the end of the ramp. He knelt slowly, reaching out his hand to touch it. Frinty turned to call him back. She let out a cry of warning instead.

“Norman! Watch out!” Norman looked up and saw a large group of big, flat circles sprinting toward him. He could only guess what they were: the wild pancakes of the mountains of Froblignor. 

Several of the pancakes grabbed him and started dragging him hurriedly away from the spacewaffle. Norman had only read made-up stories about the pancakes of Froblignor, but now he knew where they were. He knew that if he were to die, at least he might help the world in this one way. For years, Waffles had been looking for the fabled land of savage pancakes called Froblignor. 

Norman shouted at the top of his lungs,

“IT’S FROBLIGNOR!!!!! WE ARE AT FROBLIGNOR!!!!”

Norman saw Mugber pulling Frinty back to safety in the spacewaffle. The door closed as dozens of spears from the savage pancakes ricocheted off the spacewaffle’s sides. He hoped they had heard him. 

Norman was lifted roughly onto a dark boat. Paddles dipped and lifted, speeding the vessel that bore him towards the strange forest ahead. Norman thought about his life, he had spent it well. This was a fitting end. He would miss his family and Mugber and Frinty, but he hoped his family would continue with his surprise party anyway and that Mugber and Frinty would get home safely. He was thinking of these things when the boat entered into the shadow of the trees. Norman’s world went black.

After waiting for 3 days, Frinty and Mugber were running out of food and hope. 

“Frinty,” Mugber said, “We must go back.” Frinty tearfully shook her head. 

“But… Norman…” She said sadly. Mugber gently touched her shoulder. 

“It’s too late. There’s nothing we could have done.” He comforted her.

“Oh, uncle!” Frinty cried, throwing her arms around him and crying. 

The next day, Frinty and Mugber launched the spacewaffle and headed for home.

The End.

Okay, I’m just kidding, there’s a part 3, don’t worry!

Norman loved surprise parties, so when his family told him they were going to have one for him, he was glad to leave to let them prepare. He walked out the front door of their little waffle house, hopped on his waffle board, and sped down the street.

As he raced along, Norman thought joyfully about his surprise birthday party, his family had told him the whole plan. First, he would walk in the door and be confused because no one was there. Second, everyone would jump from their hiding places and yell “surprise!” and third, there would be blueberry fights, swimming in their maple syrup pool, bouncing on the whipped cream castle and so much more! Norman’s favourite part was the second part because that was the part that made it a surprise party, but he liked the first and third parts too because, without all three, it just wouldn’t work. You see, each word in the phrase “a surprise party” stood for one of the steps. “Party” stood for the party part, “surprise” stood for the part where everyone yelled “Surprise!”, and “a” stood for the part where he confusedly walked in the door and said “uhh…”. It was all so exciting, Norman just couldn’t wait!

Since Norman was thinking so hard about his birthday, he wasn’t thinking about where he was going, and he crashed into the side of a big building. 

Thankfully, he and his waffle board were unhurt, but the building was severely crumbled. He got up off the ground and gently touched the building. The whole wall fell to the ground. 

“Oh no…” he said, knowing that although waffle cone walls were not very sturdy or weather-resistant and not very good for just about anything, they were very expensive and all the richest waffles were spending fortunes getting their houses and palaces built from them.

Norman was very concerned and he began searching the street to see if anyone was there who knew what he could do about the fallen wall. Suddenly, from behind him, he heard a worried voice:

“Norm? Norman Waffle? Is that you?” Norman turned around and faced the voice.

Now, Norman had only ever been called “Norm” by his great-great-uncle’s best friend’s dentist’s favourite actor’s second cousin’s great-granddaughter’s best friend’s aunt’s son’s uncle, whom he had met just once. But since his full name was Norman Waffle, he assumed it was himself who was being spoken to, and then the waffle who was doing the speaking must be his great-great-uncle’s best-friend’s dentist’s favourite actor’s second cousin’s great-granddaughter’s best-friend’s aunt’s son’s uncle, and since all waffles look pretty much exactly the same, there was nothing to warn him that this waffle was, in fact, nothing close to his great-great-uncle’s best-friend’s dentist’s favourite actor’s second cousin’s great-granddaughter’s best-friend’s aunt’s son’s uncle.

“Yes, that’s me” Norman replied, “I’m really, really sorry about the wall, I was—” he was interrupted by the other waffle grabbing him by the hand and pulling him quickly towards a large building nearby. 

“No worries, Norm, no worries. We’ll deal with that later. It’s five minutes ’till launch! We’ve got to get you ready!”

Norman was now very confused, this waffle seemed more familiar with him than most people’s great-great-uncle’s best-friend’s dentist’s favourite actor’s second cousin’s great-granddaughter’s best-friend’s aunt’s son’s uncles are. But Norman was patient and unworried, especially because the other waffle had said the wall would be taken care of, Norman was, in fact, very relieved. 

The waffle hurried him into the building and a group of strange waffles surrounded him, dressed him in a big waffle suit, rushed him up a huge flight of stairs, through a tiny doorway, and buckled him into a puffy white seat. Norman had barely had time to think while all of this was happening, and the one thing he had noticed was a loud voice slowly counting down from twenty. 

When he was finally buckled securely in the seat, he took the time to look around and saw a bunch of buttons and dials and numbers, and two other waffle suits similarly strapped into seats like himself. 

Now Norman was thoroughly confused, and he decided to sing a little song to calm his mind: 

“I am a waffle and a waffle am I, I am not a pickle nor an apple pie, nor a soggy bagel nor a crisp french-fry, I do not swim, and I also do not fly, for I’m a waffle and a waffle am I.” 

Just as he sang the last note, he heard a friendly voice giggle from beside him,

“I didn’t know you sang, Norm, would you teach me your song? I love it!” Norman started and looked around, 

“Where are you?” He whispered into the silence. 

“Right beside you!” The cheery voice came again. Norman repeated his search of the little room, then jumped as one of the waffle suits’ arms lifted and waved. 

“Hahaha!” The suit laughed sweetly, “you’re in a strangely good humour today, Norm!”

Before Norman could reply, the countdown ended and a frighteningly loud noise exploded all around them. Then there was a terrifying sensation of shaking and banging and rattling and moving very fast. For a couple of minutes that felt like days, the shaking continued, then it stopped and everything was quiet and calm.

The other two suits cheered loudly and high-fived each other, but Norman was very confused. 

“I don’t understand,” he said, “what just happened?” The other two suits looked at him worriedly, 

“Are you feeling alright Norm?” Norman shook his head,

“That’s another thing, everyone here keeps calling me Norm, but up until this day, I have only ever been called Norm by my great-great-uncle’s best friend’s dentist’s favourite actor’s second cousin’s great-granddaughter’s best-friend’s aunt’s son’s uncle. Everyone else calls me Norman!”

Now it was the two waffle suits’ turns to be confused,

“You’re not Norm Waffle?” One of them asked, Norman shook his head again,

“I’m Norman Waffle, I’m turning five tomorrow and my family is making a surprise birthday party for me right now.” The two waffle suits sat in shocked silence. One of them mumbled, “how did this happen?” The other put a hand on his shoulder and said:

“Norman, you’re going to have to stay calm, okay?” Norman nodded. The suit continued, “We’re very far away from your waffle house now, we just took off in a spacewaffle… Norman, we’re on our way to the moon.”

Norman’s eyes grew wide as everything fell into place in his mind. 

Part 2 coming soon!